Going in Boots First
by Najee
Summary: Duke Nukem, and his comrade Dylan, are sent to another dimension by Dr. Proton in order for him to take over the world with Duke out of the way. The two men show up in a world of elves, magic, dragons, and beautiful warrior women fighting to become the new queen. Can Duke make it back to Earth to stop Proton? And will he become the first male to win the all-female contest?
1. Going in Boots First

**Author's Note:**

Yes, I've decided to write a crossover story, because this idea was rattling in my head for a long time and I just NEEDED to write it. Lady-killer Duke Nukem and his best friend, Dylan in a magical world with attractive ladies that fight each other? HELL YEAH! I got bored writing Black Crusaders, so I put that story on hiatus, and I haven't forgot about Mob Kingdom, I'll get to that soon. I was inspired to write a Duke Nukem crossover because I finished reading a story called _I Please Where I Go_ , a Duke Nukem/Sekirei crossover that was excellent.

As I write the story, I will be making parodies/references. Its not a Duke Nukem story without the parodies/references of other games or movies and books.

 **Duke Nukem Timeline:** Set after Forever, right at Duke's kidnapping by Dr. Proton.

 **Queen's Blade Timeline:** Set one year before Exiled Virgin (Season One of the Anime)

 **Rated M** **for excessive swearing, vulgar dialogue, violence and lemon scenes.**

 **Chapter 1:** Going in Boots First

 _Duke sat back on a large red club chair, enjoying a beautiful stripper pole dancing in front of him. The club music sounded faint and far away because Duke was drunk from drinking too many shots of tequila and was seeing double._

 _"Dance for me baby..." He slurred at the stripper. The stripper smiled at Duke and walked up to him to seat in his lap. A muscular arm wrapped around her waist as she leaned forward to whisper in his ear._

 _"Get up, Duke." A voice of an old man coming from the stripper shocked Duke out of his drunkenness._

Duke yawned as he woke up from his dream.

 _Well that was fucking strange. Why would a babe have the voice of a decrepit old fart? My club dreams are NEVER like that._

He immediately discovered that he was strapped to an iron chair by leather straps. In a kinky situation with a lady, he wouldn't have mind playing the submissive role to let the lady take charge, but all sense of kinkiness in his mind vanished when he opened his eyes to discover that he was in a laboratory, with a cybernetic Dr. Proton and a Terminator-esque bot standing in front of him; a Dukeinator.

"Dr. Proton? I thought you were dead." Duke glared at the evil genius.

"Well, I've survived and made some great improvements to my body." Proton grinned at the muscular man.

"Came back for revenge?"

Proton laughed.

"Oh, you hit the nail on the head, Duke. At first I was going to clone you to raise my army of Dukes, but it would be better just to kill you here and now." Proton snapped his finger and the bot walked over to the other side of the room and flipped a switch on the wall.

A large laser gun attached to the ceiling of the lab aimed at Duke.

"Goodbye, Duke!"

"I don't think so! The King never dies!" Duke broke free from his leather restraints and rolled away from the iron chair as it was melted by a laser blast from the gun. The gun followed Duke as he ran through the laboratory, taking cover from the laser blasts. He would have went to Dr. Proton to punch and kick him to death, but he had to take out that laser gun before it could fry his ass. Unfortunately, he was unarmed with no guns or pipe bombs to take out the laser gun; he had to think of a plan...

A loud explosion shook the whole laboratory, surprising Duke and Dr. Proton. The alien soldiers that took orders from the Cycloid Emperor blasted a hole into the laboratory and began to shoot up the place.

"Ah! You foolish aliens breaking into my lab? You'll pay for this!" Dr. Proton yelled at the aliens. The laser gun on the ceiling focused its fire on the aliens, melting them into hot dark green slime with each blasts, and the Dukeinator next to the switch on the wall pulled out a shotgun and began shooting the aliens. Duke, happily taking the moment of distraction, crawled towards the dying aliens and picked up an Enforcer Gun from a half-melted Assault Enforcer that was squealing in agony.

"Let's rock!" Duke said with a grin.

He released small homing missiles from the Enforcer Gun, blowing up the aliens into pieces. Duke then turned his attention to the laser gun on the ceiling and blew it up. Dr. Proton retreated as Duke destroyed the bot with his missiles.

"Come in get me!"

"Get back here you cybernetic pussy!" Duke aimed his gun at him as a sliding metal door closed behind him, but he ran out of ammo.

"Shit." Duke frowned, but his eyes lit up with delight upon seeing the other alien guns.

"Better gear up; I don't know what else that fucker has up his white sleeves, but I'm not letting him get the drop on me again." Duke reloaded the Enforcer Gun with more missiles, grabbed the shotgun that the Dukeinator was using to kill the aliens, and took an AT Captain Laser from one of the alien grunts.

"I'm comin' for your ass, doctor." Duke went up to the door that the doctor escaped through, but it was locked. He looked around the lab to find that there were no other exits, but a large hole the aliens blew up to get inside the lab; however, it lead to a deep drop into the abyss. It looked like Dr. Proton's base was deep underground, no wonder why all of the aliens were using jet packs.

Maybe he could crawl through the vent next to the door.

 _Thank you very much Duke for helping me get rid of those pesky aliens. I have another way of getting rid of you once and for all! Take a deep breath of the deadly neurotoxins that I'm going to flood the room with. If you manage to get out of here, then I have ANOTHER way to get rid of you. An intelligent man must always have a Plan C if Plan B and A fails._

Duke heard Dr. Proton's voice over the intercom.

"What? Too afraid to face me up close, pussy?" Duke mocked him, but he most likely couldn't hear him. Green smoke started to spew from the vents on the ceiling, including the vent next to the door.

Well, there goes his plan to crawl through the vent to escape from the room.

Duke went over towards the hole in the wall and found metallic pipes that were located just below the room. He jumped out of the room and grabbed the pipes with a grunt, then pulled himself up. Duke walked over the pipes as the green smoke began to pour out of the hole, making it just in the nick of time. He saw commotion around the base; aliens with jetpacks shooting at the various robots that Dr. Proton built, and a few EDF soldiers shooting them from the safety of their dropships, and others engaged in firefights with the aliens and bots.

One of the EDF dropships spotted Duke and hovered over to his position.

"Get in, Duke!" A soldier grabbed his hand and helped him aboard the ship. The dropship began to fly around the base, shooting at the aliens and robots with a mounted turret that was occupied by a soldier.

"Are you alright, Duke?" The soldier that pulled him up asked him.

"I'm fine, but I'm pissed off that the bastard isn't dead and he got the drop on me." Duke replied.

"Me too, we'll kill him this time. Here, General Graves wants to speak to you." The soldier gave Duke an ear piece and he placed it in his ear.

 _Duke? Thank god you're okay._

 _Why are there still alien scum around? I killed and pissed on the Cycloid Emperor, what's the big deal?_

 _Unfortunately Duke, the Cycloid Emperor wasn't the one calling the shots. The Alien Empress on the Moon is the one running the whole show, and she was the one to give birth to the Cycloid Emperor. The aliens are being created by her._

 _Shit, and the 'Good' Doctor is still alive._

 _I know, Duke. Most of the EDF will be sent to the Moon deal with the alien menace. You, Captain Dylan, and a number of EDF soldiers will deal with Dr. Proton. I have faith in you, Duke._

Duke removed the ear piece from his ear and gave it to the soldier.

"We'll drop you off with Dylan and his team that are about to infiltrate the deeper parts of Dr. Proton's base." The soldier told him.

Duke nodded and dug into a supply crate to get more ammunition for his shotgun, and stocked up on pills, pipe bombs, laser trip wires, and grabbed a beer can. The dropship hovered over a large hole in the ceiling of the base.

"Here's your drop off, Duke! Kick that doctor's ass!" Duke hopped off the dropship and landed in the room. Duke took out his shotgun and opened a sliding iron door by pressing a button on the middle of the door.

"Take that motherfuckers!" He heard the familiar voice of a man nearby. Duke walked down the corridor and made a right at the end of it, he found Dylan shooting Dukeinators with a Ripper in his hands, surprising Duke. At the Hoover Dam, Dylan was presumed dead from losing too much blood, but here he is, alive and well. What also surprised Duke was his outfit, when they fought together through hordes of aliens, Dylan was wearing the standard EDF outfit like the rest of the soldiers, but he was now wearing something new.

He was still wearing his gray headband around his forehead, but he now wore a black t-shirt, black cargo pants, and black boots. Dylan had a gray ammo belt that held silver bullets and a silver belt buckle of Duke Nukem's radiation symbol, and dog tags around his neck. He also wore a pair of dark shades over his eyes and fingerless gloves like Duke. For weapons, he held a Ripper in his hands, had two sub machine guns on his belt, and a backup pistol and knife strapped to his right leg. He also had an unusual rifle on his back. **(1)** It was a black rifle with a sawblade.

"What's up, Duke!? How the fuck are you!?" Dylan asked with excitement, walking up to Duke.

"I thought you were dead." Duke commented. Damn, he realized that not only Proton is alive, but so was his best friend.

"I thought so too, but the medics saved me before the big fucking explosion. They healed me up using the advanced tech of those alien scum and gave me a super soldier serum. I feel fucking fantastic, like a quarterback on steroids!" Dylan said with pride while grinning.

Duke did notice the EDF soldiers fighting around the base were more competent then the last time they fought alongside Duke. The soldiers would usually get knocked over by charging pig cops, but some of them are holding their own against the pigs. He even saw a soldier kill an alien by wrestling it to the ground and cutting its throat with a combat knife, and some of them are even using more alien weapons; the Enforcer, AT Captain Laser, and Freeze Ray being the most popular among the soldiers, with one a few using conventional firearms.

 _That serum still isn't as good as my pills._ Duke thought arrogantly.

"What happened to your team?"

"Ah, those poor sons of bitches were killed by those green floating exploding ball things. They're like some kind of mine, but they ain't for underground use, these fucking mines come to you and explode in your face. Another one of Doctor. Prick's arsenal of death bots." Dylan explained.

"Alright, then. Let's kick the doctor's ass." Duke cracked his knuckles and walked down the corridor.

"Hoo-ah!" Dylan shouted.

 _I see you Duke, hahaha. That's right, go down the corridor and take a left, then take a right and you'll encounter an elevator at the end of the hallway, take it so you head down to the basement to face me. I'm in a large mech suit and ready to do battle with you! Hurry up!_

Dr. Proton spied on them with a hidden camera.

"The motherfucker is definitely setting up a trap, Duke. Why in god's name is he telling us where he is?"

"Whatever, he apparently realized that running won't do him any good. But I'm still watching my step because I'm not letting iron balls surprise me again." Duke's grip tightened on his shotgun.

Duke and Dylan followed the direction that Proton told them where to go; the two men were bothered how this part of the base was silent with no aliens or bots attacking them. They can hear the sounds of explosions and gunshots from the EDF soldiers fighting the aliens and bots, but they sounded faint and distant.

"Its quiet...too quiet." Duke frowned as the only sounds in the corridor was their boots stepping on metal.

"I don't like complete silence. You never know when the fuckers are gonna pounce on your face like a hissing feline." Dylan agreed.

The two men found the elevator and took it down to the basement; Duke aimed his shotgun at the elevator doors and Dylan bit his lip with his Ripper focused on the doors. After a minute or two, the doors slowly opened to reveal a gigantic room made out of metal, with a strange circular-shaped arc made of steel with flashing blue lights surrounding it.

"Welcome, gentlemen, and I see you brought your sidekick with you, Duke." Proton spoke to the two men, revealing that he was in a ten-foot tall mech suit that had sharp claws, guns mounted on its arms, and a transparent blue force field that surrounded it.

"Tch, I have no problem being Duke's sidekick. I get more pussy then Batman's sidekick, anyway." Dylan scoffed.

"I've came to crush your iron balls for good, Proton. When I'm done with you, I'm gonna toss what's left of you in **(2)** molten steel." Duke wasted no time and started to open fire on Proton, so did Dylan, but their bullets were being deflected by his force field. Proton laughed at their futile attempts to hurt him.

Proton fired his guns at the two men, but they were able to hide behind an iron column. Dylan took out his walkie talkie.

Both Duke and Dylan shot at Dr. Proton in till they ran out of bullets, and the force field still held over his body. Duke quickly moved to another nearby column and threw a pipe bomb towards the doctor, he then detonated it, but the explosion hardly fazed Proton. Dylan who was running faster then an Olympic sprinter duel wielded his sub machines, running from column to column shooting at him while Duke was rapid firing with his AT Captain Laser.

"Oh, time's up, gentlemen." Dr. Proton smirked, looking at the arc that began to form a blue energy portal as the flashing lights blinked faster. Proton teleported to a different location and the iron columns that the two men used as cover began to sink into the floor.

"What the fuck is this?" Duke said with confusion.

Dr. Proton spoke on the intercom again.

 _Remember earlier about my plans? This is my Plan C. Duke, you have cheated death so many times and I thought of the best way to finally get rid of you._

The blue portal swirled like a vortex and the two men found themselves sliding towards like; there was a gravitational pull that was getting stronger by the second.

 _By banishing you into another dimension! Good bye forever, Duke! I'll be sure to take good care of America without you!_

"You fucking tincan!" Duke yelled with fury, trying desperately to hang onto a nearby supply crate with Dylan.

"You will fucking pay you motherfucking piece of scrap metal fucking SHIT! You won't get away with this shit!"

Proton laughed at them.

"When I find a way back here, I'm gonna skull fuck your eye socket and shit down your neck!" Duke snarled.

 _Swear all you like, you're not bench-pressing your way out of this one, Duke. Farewell my dear enemy._

Duke, Dylan, and the supply crate they were holding on for their lives flew towards the portal and disappeared through the vortex. The portal faded away and the flashing blue lights were cut off.

Dr. Proton leaned back with a satisfied smirk on his face. Now to deal with those pesky EDF soldiers and aliens.

 **Author's Note:**

And they are off to the Queen's Blade world! I will write one more chapter for this story, then I'll get back to Mob's Kingdom.

 **(1)** The rifle with the sawblade is a parody of the Lancer Assault Rifle used by the Gear soldiers from Gears of War. Dylan _is_ a parody of Marcus Fenix, so this was bound to happen.

 **(2)** A reference to Terminator 2 with the T-800 being destroyed by falling into molten steel.


	2. Man vs Orc

**Author's Note:**

 **About Queen's Blade:** Jean isn't an OC, he's actually a male character from the Queen's Blade, but only appears in a spin-off of the series. But his backstory will get a reboot. Queen's Blade IS a female-centric anime with fanservice galore and has an all-female cast, so the men being background characters or cannon fodder was pretty much expected in an anime like this.

 **About Duke Nukem:** I'm still debating whether or not Duke and Dylan will get magical powers. I _could_ make Dylan like Serious Sam, but I don't want him to go into OOC territory, as I want both men to act as canon as possible. I'll think of something soon.

* * *

 **Chapter 2:** Man vs. Orc

Duke, Dylan, and their supply crate fell through the portal. The two men were gripped by a strange sensation; it felt like they were falling down in the vortex of a tornado, while gravity was pushing down on them from all directions. After what felt like eternity, the sensation faded and Duke and Dylan landed in the middle of a forest.

Duke gritted his teeth and clenched his fists as he was lying on his back in the dirt. He couldn't believe he was tricked again by Proton.

"That motherfucker is going to pay for this." Duke stood up and dusted himself off.

"Where the fuck are we?" Dylan stood up and dusted the dirt off himself like Duke. The two men looked around to find that they were in the middle of a forest in the middle of the day.

"Help me!" They heard the voice of a boy yelling for help. The two men looked over to see a teenage boy wearing a brown wizard robe run through knee-high bushes away from something. The boy stood at five-five with brown eyes, pale skin, and had a rather skinny and almost frail body. He held a wooden staff with a red gem on top of it.

"What's wrong, kid?" Duke asked the panicking kid that ran up to him.

"Orcs, sir! The orcs that live in the cave are coming to rob and destroy my cottage! Will you please help me!? They're coming right now!" The teenager begged Duke.

"Calm down, kid. You can always bet on Duke." Duke smiled at him, picking up his guns that he dropped when the portal sucked him in. They could hear the thundering foot steps of the large green orcs as they made their way through the forest.

"After we waste these fuckers, you need to tell us where we are at, kiddo." Dylan said to the teenager. The boy nodded and hid behind Duke, who stood tall and ready to fight the orcs.

The group of orcs knocked down a few trees when they entered the clearing; big, green, and mean, the orcs had pointed-ears, sharp teeth, and red eyes. All of them stood well over nine-feet, and despite a majority of them being very buff, some were fat and a little overweight. They wore simple fur loincloth to cover their groins and nothing else; the orcs didn't even wear a shirt or shoes. Most of them carried large clubs, while one orc had a shield and sword, both custom made to fit his large stature.

"Damn, those are some ugly green motherfuckers." Dylan commented.

"Must be Hulk and She-Hulk's kids. Incest is gross." Duke sneered at the orcs.

"Out of the way, puny humans!" The orc that was the leader yelled at the three humans.

Duke and Dylan aimed their guns at the orcs.

"Bring it on, you green freaks!" Duke pulled the trigger of his shotgun and blasted a hole through one of the orc's chest. The orc groaned in agony as it fell over dead. The other orcs, including the teenager looked at the two men with shock.

"Those two humans are using a strange weapon! Clobber them to death, so we can take it for ourselves!"

Duke and Dylan filled the orcs with lead as they came charging at them, Dylan was shooting them with his duel submachine guns while Duke was blasting holes through them with his shotgun. Duke switched to the AT Captain Laser, rapid firing laser beams that easily burnt through the flesh of the orcs. Dylan switched to the Enforcer gun, unleashing homing missiles that blew up the orcs into little bloody pieces.

The teenager stared in awe as the two men effortlessly took down the group of orcs.

 _'I can't believe this! The one with the sword and shield is an elite fighter among the group, as he has magic infused in his weapon and shield, but even he's struggling just to get close to the two men. Most of the orcs are down and not one of them got close enough to land a single hit! Who are these men!?"_ The teenager thought with shock as he watched the carnage.

Nearly a minute later, all of the orcs were either dead and bleeding on the ground, or scorched and blown up by laser beams and explosions. The orc, the one with the sword and shield, was the last one standing, but he was weakened from a stray bullet hitting his shoulder and right knee. The orc growled at the two men.

"Say goodbye to your green balls, bastard!" Duke insulted the last orc.

"You humans will pay for this! **(1)** Nazgrim will have your heads!" The orc yelled defiantly. Duke shot him in his groin with his shotgun, causing him to double over and scream in pain, clutching his ruined ball sack, then Dylan followed up by blowing him up with the Enforcer.

"You aren't so mean and green no more." Duke smiled, spitting out a one-liner. Duke turned to the shocked kid that was staring at him wide-eyed.

"So, kid. Where are we?" Duke asked him. The teenager recovered from his shock.

"Follow me to my cottage, I'll tell you anything you need to know." The teen motioned them to follow him. Duke and Dylan picked up the supply crate and began to follow him through the forest. The three humans came across a dainty wooden cottage in the middle of a clearing in the forest; the boy invited them in and they set the supply crate near the front door. Inside the cottage was cozy with wooden walls, a few pictures on the walls depicting nature like waterfalls and the beach; the floor was wooden and the ceiling was made out of dark wood.

The living room was small, having only a couple of wooden chairs with a small lamp on a wooden coffee table in front of the chairs.

"Nice place you got here, kid. Do you live with anybody, else?" Dylan asked curiously.

"Yes, I live by myself." He replied, taking a seat at one of the chairs. Duke and Dylan sat on the wooden chairs, facing the teenager.

"My name is Jean and I'm an apprentice wizard." Jean introduced himself.

"Apprentice wizard? As in you cast spells and shit?" Dylan frowned in confusion. He nodded.

"Yes...what? You don't have magic where you come from? In fact, I don't recall a country or nation using weapons like the ones you used to dispatch that orc team, or wearing strange clothing like yours. An arrow can be deflected by the orc's tough skin, but your projectiles effortlessly penetrated them. Where are you from?" Jean asked with curiosity flashing in his eyes.

The two men were silent for a moment, but Duke broke the silence.

"So no cars, helicopters, phones, and especially no guns?"

Jean shook his head.

"I don't know what those are. The pirates use a pirate gun and cannon, but your long-ranged weapons outclass even the best Flintlock Pistol. Your guns are new to me; not even Aldra, the Queen of Gainos doesn't have such destructive weaponry used by her troops. Where are you guys from?"

Duke and Dylan grew silent again.

"Ah, shit, Duke! The iron fucker sent us to a Dungeons and Dragons universe!" Dylan shouted, jumping up and causing Jean to yelp at his outburst.

"This isn't good, not one bit. Hey Jean, do you know of any city or town that has any technology? Or even a rich community?" Duke asked him. Jean recovered and looked at Duke.

"Umm...maybe the rich Vance Family could possibly help you. I don't know if they have any technology, but they are very wealthy and run a whole kingdom. You should start there." Jean replied.

"I've answered your questions, can you please answer mine? Where do you come from? And where did you get those weapons?" Jean repeated. Dylan smiled at him.

"We come from Earth and live in a damn good nation called America!" He said with pride.

Duke and Dylan began to tell Jean about their war on the aliens to protect the Earth: how Duke and Dylan killed aliens, Duke killing the Cycloid Emperor, Dr. Proton kidnapping him, his escape from the room and fighting with Dylan towards Proton. Duke told Jean the portal that Proton used to send them here, and ended up telling him his whole life story, boasting how much of a savior he was to Earth and being a wealthy alien killer.

"That's why we need to find technology, so we can create a portal back home for us before Proton takes over." Duke finished explaining to him. Jean was blown away by their stories, especially by the accomplishments of Duke. Normally, Jean wouldn't believe in ramblings about men succeeding in difficult tasks, as he was used to the traveling warriors down at the bar boasting how they took down an angry dragon, when they really ran with their tails between their legs.

But, this Duke Nukem. He can actually believe what he was saying, especially after seeing him and his friend effortlessly take down a group of orcs. A chuckle came to Jean, thinking about Duke when he sweared at the orc and shot him in the groin, obliterating his testicles. Maybe, just maybe...he could learn to be like them. Jean isn't quick to hop on the bandwagon with adventuring men, but something told him that he must follow Duke and his friend.

"What are your professions? Judging by your weaponry and clothing, you two are soldiers, correct?" Jean asked them.

"Yep, kiddo. I'm Captain of the EDF, and Duke here is in the EDF too." Dylan answered him.

"What does EDF stand for?"

"Earth Defense Force, it was a brand new military branch formed to fight any alien invaders that wanted to fuck with Earth and humanity. Alright, we've talked enough." Dylan stood up from his seat and looked out the window to see the sun setting over the horizon.

"Sorry, Jean, but like we told you earlier, we are in a hurry to get back to Earth to stop Proton. No more pissin' around, we need to get back in action." Duke said to Jean, standing up from his chair.

"Wait!" Jean stood up from his chair.

"Can I join you?" He asked shyly.

"What?" Duke looked at him confused.

"I wanted to become a wizard, but after seeing your weapons and discovered that you two are war heroes, I want to join you on your quest back to Earth." Jean's face reddened in embarrassment.

"How old are you, Jean?" Duke asked.

"Eighteen." He replied.

"Good, your old enough to shoot a gun. You look very young for an eighteen-year old, I thought you were fourteen."

Jean chuckled nervously.

"I get that a lot too. People think I'm a little boy, when I'm actually at the age to have children and drink alcohol. I'm sure I'll hit my growth spurt anytime soon."

Duke dug into the supply crate.

"Catch." He threw a capsule, containing steroid pills at the teenager. Jean awkwardly caught it in his hands.

"What's this?"

"Manly vitamins, kid. Make sure you lift weights and eat one every day, then you'll have a strong body like me and self-confidence." Duke smiled at Jean. Jean nodded, smiling back at the blonde-haired man.

"Thank you, Duke."

"What about family and friends, Jean?" Dylan, who was digging through the supply crate, cycling through normal guns and alien ones.

"I don't have any family and friends, in fact, an Arcmage named Orsay was watching over me. However, he left me to fend for myself in this cottage. I spend my days studying magic from the tome, but I can't get a hang of it. I know typical spells like fireballs and force fields, but I'm having trouble studying advanced magical spells." Jean explained.

Duke and Dylan looked at each other.

"You can shoot fireballs out of your hands and shit? Then why didn't you rain a fucking storm of them on those green fuckers?" Dylan held a handgun in his hand, before dropping it in the crate to grab another gun. Jean sighed.

"I ran out of mana and they started to swarm me, so I had to escape." He replied.

"What the fuck is mana?"

"Magical energy in my body that powers my spells."

"Ahh." Dylan nodded.

"Like a nuclear weapon that needs nuclear energy."

"What's a nuclear?"

"Nothing, kiddo. Feel free to use our guns, but I want to learn this magic shit. Think about it Duke, if we became mages, we can shoot lightning out of our fingertips like goddamn Jedi!" Dylan said with excitement.

"Hmmm, stay here for a while to become a wizard like Harry Potter? Or find a way back home? It won't hurt to learn some spells on the way." Duke said to Dylan.

"I'd be happy to let you use the tome. So...have you decided where to go?" Jean asked.

"Yep, we'll head over to this Vance Family and ask for help." Duke sat back down in his chair.

"Do you have extra beds? The King needs his rest before he kicks ass, jumping through that portal made me a little exhausted."

Jean shook his head.

"I'm sorry, but there's only one bed. But, before we set out for King Vance, can we go somewhere, first?"

"Where do you want to go?" Duke questioned the teenager.

"Remember when that orc you killed said that Nazgrim will have your head?"

"Yeah?"

"Well...Nazgrim is the orc Warlord that controls all of the orcs in this region, and there is a prize on his head. If you bring his head to a nearby town called Theo, then you'll be rewarded with gold. Since you are new to this world, you both are pretty much hobos, as you don't have any money. The Vance Family wouldn't allow poor people into their homes, because they are aristocrats. They would allow you if they saw you as professional monster slayers."

"Damn...went from owning my own casino and food chain to becoming as poor as dirt." Duke sighed.

"Rags to riches, but riches to rags!" Dylan spoke up.

"Luckily, Theo is the town you need to travel to get into Vance territory, so going to Nazgrim's lair should be first." Jean turned around to head to his room.

"Goodnight, you two. I'll prepare my stuff and go to bed. I'm sorry that I don't have extra beds." Jean apologized.

"It's okay, we ain't pussies." Dylan smiled at him. Jean walked away and shut the door to his room.

"Not lookin' good, boss."

"What is it?" Duke looked at Dylan.

"I checked every gun in the supply crate, and with no fucking military backing us up with ammunition, we'll run out of bullets faster then a virgin on prom night coming prematurely." He told Duke.

"Shit." The blonde-haired man said with dread.

Duke was no stranger to fighting with his fists, but only when he had too. He couldn't kill the Cycloid Emperors without his trusty Devastator to weaken them enough, so he can climb on them and pull out their life support tubes, or any of the giant aliens without an explosive weapon. Although, this world didn't have aliens, it had its own monsters that lived here, such as the orcs that attacked them earlier. Duke would definitely need to learn a thing or two about magic, as he can't run around and shoot up monsters like an 80's action hero, like he can on Earth.

He'll need to conserve his ammunition, and shoot monsters where it really hurts.

"Looks like we need to shoot when necessary." Duke took off his glasses and placed it on the coffee table.

"That fucking sucks. I enjoy shooting shit with bullets and laser blasts." Dylan complained.

"I know, but we need rest to take on that orc bastard."

"Right, goodnight, Duke." Dylan sat back on the chair. The two men fell asleep in minutes, despite sitting on uncomfortable wooden chairs.

* * *

Early in the morning, the three men were on their way to Nazgrim's lair. Duke and Dylan holding the supply crate while Jean was armed with his staff and a pistol. As they got closer, they noticed more trees that have been cut down and decaying corpses of adventurers that littered the ground, surrounded by flies and the maggots burrowing in their dead flesh.

Jean was disgusted and a little scared from the sight, but Duke and Dylan walked with swagger through the graveyard, not bothered by the rotting dead bodies. Jean wondered if all war heroes from this Earth behaved like this, but he was not one to stereotype. The group came across a cave riddled with the bones of humans and animals.

"This is Nazgrim's lair. He lives by himself and only comes out to speak with the other orcs. He's an overseer and all orcs in this region follow his orders."

"Would the green bastards stop attacking people if we kill their leader?" Duke asked Jean.

"This green motherfucker doesn't sound so tough." Dylan said arrogantly.

"Don't underestimate Nazgrim, he is a powerful orc warrior, and has killed experienced mercenaries that were sent to collect his head. If you kill him, the orcs wouldn't attack humans, anymore. They'll start a civil war with each other to claim the title of Warlord." Jean replied.

"Good, if I had the EDF backing me up, I would kill every last one of those motherfuckers." Dylan said with contempt.

"I couldn't agree more." Duke nodded.

 _Wow. They're supposed to be heroes, but they want to cause genocide against the orcs? I guess they aren't called war heroes for no reason._ Jean thought.

"Here, I'll call for him." Jean walked up to the cave.

"Nazgrim! We come for your head! Come out and face us!" He yelled into the cave.

"Such arrogance!" They heard a deep voice from the cave. Jean quickly got behind Duke as Nazgrim revealed himself.

He was a large orc, ripped with powerful muscles while he hefted an iron axe over his right shoulder. **(2)** The axe was curved and had the fangs of predator animals attached to the back of it, so the orc can switch sides for devastating penetration. Nazgrim had a lower jaw made out of metal and wore metal armor that protected his groin, legs, and shoulders; the rest of him was bare and exposed.

"More foolish humans that believe they can beat me? Ha! Let's see how you fair." Nazgrim smiled cruelly at the three humans.

"Be careful. Not only is he a skilled warrior, but he can wield magic better then me!" Jean warned the two men.

"Let's waste this bastard!" Dylan took out his submachine guns and started to shoot at Nazgrim.

"Ahh!" Nazgrim grunted as the bullets penetrated his chest, but he stood his ground and leaped over at Dylan to swing his battle axe down at him.

"Oh, shit!" Dylan rolled out of the way to dodge Nazgrim. The bullet wounds on his chest healed in seconds.

"Strange weapons that you humans have, I shall take it for myself after I gut you!" Nazgrim charged his axe with lightning, but before he could swing it, a laser beam from Duke's Rail Gun blasted the axe out of his hand, completely burning his hand off. The orc clutched his arm while screaming in agony. Duke took out his capsule and downed a few of his steroid pills. He felt the power and energy inside his muscles surge to superhuman levels.

Duke jumped on the back of the orc and began to tug on his head. Nazgrim growled and started to slam Duke against the walls of the cave to get him off, but the blonde-haired man didn't let go.

"Get off maggot!"

"I got your back, Duke!" Dylan took out his unique rifle and ran up to Nazgrim, using the sawblade to slice off his left leg. Without his leg, Nazgrim roared with pain and walked awkwardly before falling down on the ground. Duke, letting out a war cry, ripped off Nazgrim's head with a powerful yank. The blood spewed from the stump of his neck and Nazgrim's eyes closed for his final rest. The blonde man stood up from the ground, holding his head in his hand.

"Didn't expect the big, the bad, and the ugly to fall like a pussy." Duke smiled with arrogance.

"They all fall, Duke. What a weak motherfucker!" Dylan laughed.

Jean was staring in awe at the two men. Nazgrim has killed seasoned adventurers, but for Duke and Dylan to kill him without that much effort? And was that the capsule of vitamins that Duke gave him? Jean took out his capsule and stared at it. Orcs are stronger then humans, but he took a few of those vitamins and ripped off Nazgrim's head. Jean finally made his decision.

He didn't want to become some wizard, he wanted to be a confident muscular man wielding those powerful guns. From this day forward, he'll train to be like Duke.

"Well, its time to head over to Theo. Wait...let me look at the axe." Jean walked over to the battle axe and examined it. It was too big for him to pick up.

"Ahh, this axe has a wizard gem!"

"What's that?" Duke asked.

"A magical gem that can be attached to weapons or armor to enhance them, or gives it a unique ability. Judging by the way it was used, Nazgrim most likely used the lightning to speed up his swings or shoot lightning out of his axe. Good thing you took him down before he can charge up his axe. We definitely need to collect that gem." Jean said with excitement.

 _Just like Claudette's Thunderclap._ Jean thought.

Duke picked up the red gem and placed it in his pocket.

"Alright, let's head to this town. The King needs to eat, drink, and get babes." Duke cracked his neck.

"Yeah, I'm so fucking hungry I can eat a cow!" Dylan rubbed his growling belly.

Jean chuckled.

"Okay, its this way." Jean said, leading the way.

Deep down, he was glad that he met these men.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **(1)** The name Nazgrim is taken from an orc general from the game _World of Warcraft_ , an orc that works for the Horde and opposes the Alliance.

 **(2)** The battle axe is based on Gorehowl, the legendary axe wielded by Garrosh Hellscream, the ex-warchief that controlled the Horde.

Lots of fun writing this, but I must attend to my minecraft story.


End file.
